My general feelings swing between two fairly extreme mindsets. No, that's necessarily right. How about this: if my outlook was one of those swinging-balls-on-a-pendulum things that are featured in physics class, it would be the balls suspended in the middle. It would be jarred and rattled by the two extremes: a good old-fashioned positive mental outlook that optimistically views myself as a protagonist in a horrible world whose job is to better himself and, by proxy, those around him; the other extreme is a general feeling that I'm only hanging around this world as a favor to the one's I appreciate for being in my life, like I wouldn't want to burden anyone with the aftermath of a consensual ending. And isn't that messed up? I mean, the Christian bible says that suicide is, like, a deadly sin, right? Like you're not permitted into heaven and you're generally shunned by the afterworld. That's good and well, but not everyone's a Christian. Here's what's messed up: that idea has been so assimilated into western culture that even non-Christians hold that perception. The implications stretch to suffering, and whether or not Dr. Kevorkian is an asshole. I mean, isn't the profundity of a long stretch of general malaise enough to be considered suffering? And is it anybody else's business what choices I make?
On the other end of the ball-game-thing,