I haven't been writing much lately, probably because I've been feeling uninspired. Well, no, that's not the right word... "disassociated"? Hm... definitely "dis-" something. "Disheartened," probably.
I can't seem to find a good balance between being happy and staying happy, between being healthy and being random. Quentin cleaned his room before killing himself in the end of The Sound and the Fury (the end of his section, anyways). It was very humorous and tragic, seeing the duality between necessary and absurdity in regard to trying to establish order in this world.
Speaking of this world, how can anyone do anything when trying to be well-informed? The question of the existence of a god aside (because that's way beyond anyone's perception and popular interpretations seem to be the most misinformed), how can someone try to be "good" when the full extent and workings of our own government are beyond comprehension by any individual person? Is there a point of trying to independent and genuine and caring when something as trivial as the shoes I buy could be immensely detrimental to some poor kid in China? Is the solution to buy all my groceries locally because I'm more familiar with the circumstances that produced it (even though I there are many aspects I neither understand nor trust?). Is every product being marketed geared towards escapism so people like me can be blissfully engaged in killing time so as not to notice large injustices happening right below my nose? Are my attempts at transformation futile? Should I, instead, spend my time being comfortable with who I am? Am I anyone yet? Is this chaos and confusion part of the growing process or have I stunted my growth and entered into a perpetual voyage of teenage angst? If so, should I be writing pop punk for confused teenagers who are eerily similar to me? Am I "settling down" in various aspects of my life because I'm truly satisfied, or because I'm tired or bored or dissatisfied with my other options? Do I sell myself short?
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