It wasn't very long ago at all that I despised myself for watching television for even five minutes if there was something better I could be doing. This was the Me that refused cigarettes and had trouble seeing the point in drinking. My free time was eaten away by novels and my diet was limited to things beneficial.
I've been trying to fix things over the past few weeks but I can't find a balance. When I'm in the getting-drunk-is-awesome mindset, I don't read or have much motivation for anything. On the other hand, though, I'm much more social and less inclined to isolate myself. I'm much more outgoing when I'm slightly hungover, or slightly exhausted, or generally run-down, I guess. Well, that's not true. I'm more social when my brain feels like it's been jolted out of place a little bit, like it's floating in its goo instead of having sunk to the bottom.
It's tough. Maybe I only read Dostoevsky and Voltaire to feel superior than other people. No, that's not it. I do enjoy being healthy and exercising my body and brain. Maybe I shouldn't worry because my habits are cyclic-- but that doesn't bode well with trying to be consistent. Some interest or aspect of my personality well have to be cut, then I'll feel that part's wrath in the form of a depression, like when people get acute symptoms because their small toe doesn't get any attention being lumped together with the rest in a big boot that was seemingly designed for people with webbed feet.
All I know is that I'm reverting back to my old ways of doing one thing a day; today is work, tomorrow is the Bears game (on television), Monday is school, and Tuesday is work. Wednesday will suck (school and work).
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